Thursday, September 01, 2005

A shattered promise, a shattered friendship...

A shattered promise, a shattered friendship...


Alrights... for some reasons came to this title, just guess there are loads that I feel like wanna let off from my mind, and just... I guess this would be a better place for me to unload it? I don't know why not Mugen-wishes?? Why not my Bravejournal?? Hmmm... Hahah, ask my brain @@" And um... Honestly, it's not an easy job for me to unload the loads that I'm having in my brain... Cos I always having questions in my brain, some suspects, some problems... I've get used to hiding thing in side my self... most probably some stranger would read this entry but yeah... I wouldn't mind as long as they don't give a damn on me =b Maybe this entry would be long enough for you to scroll and scroll and scroll the scroll bar down. Or maybe it would just last a few paragraphs? Who knows? haha xP

Right now I'm standing while typing on the keyboard, looking "down" to the screen and keyboard. It's tired enough for me to type cos I have to straighten my hand and fingers to point on the keyboard and I think my neck's hurt? Hahah xd What to do? Nobody's online right now, except me and... Um... yeah burt didn't online either. Vin, Manzy, Pam, Jessie, and Aby went for the retreat in school, the retreat will be finish on tomorrow, so yeah~ I'm chatting with no one by this time, loL~ and burt cant be going out these few days, i guess? =S too bad~ I was thinking to go out with him, Vin, Zy, Irene, and~ ummm~ some more people would be nicer... strange, isn't it? I don't really like to go out if too many people going, honestly. But I would rather go out with those peeps~ It don't seem like the person that I used to be. But yeah, only them, I suppose? hahah~

So here, we back to the topic..."A shattered promise, a shattered friendship"
"What does true friends means?" I've been thinking this question since I was turning 14 or 15... which I was still a primary student. Yes, primary student, don't get surprised at what I just said. I've got transferred from place to place... and I got my level lower down when I came here, Brunei, in Chung Hwa Middle School (CHMS). Due to the reason that I don't have any knowledge in Bahasa Malayu and English either. And um... before that, I never think of that, cos I thought friends are the most important things in my life.

I have the childhood that just likes a nightmare and you would never want to have it. Family was okay but not in school. Friends playing around with my family name "SER" (in Chinese) and "Snake" were what they referred to although my sir name isn't a Snake, it just Sound like snake. And simply, "snake monster" was what they called me. And treated me like as if the snake poison is really on my body, cannot be touched, don't allowed me to touch them, don't even wanna come near me, shame to know me, and used me although I don't know what was the advantage on using me, maybe come to me only when there're bored? And I even treated unjustly by one of the friend that I trust,is a guy... okay okay, lessay I treated everyone as like my nice friend when I was young, pretty stupid, I know. I was not a good temper girl but I still think that friendship is like... "all the people around are my friends," and I that found I was wrong when I was turning 14 or 15. And that I finally found that why would my ex-admire (when I was around that age and he was um... 15 to 16, if I didn't make mistake?) said that "maybe no one was his best friend." He was the type of deep-thinking-guy, so I couldn't tell why he said that, or maybe my mind was still like a child? Hmmm... And yeah, I still remember that I was surprised to heard someone don't have any best friend. I thought everyone would at least have one best friend in this world, I asked him why not? He said reasonless... =S When I realize what he meants, I only found that I was too naive to know everything...

I have this friend, okay um... I'll name her P, and this friend, I'll name him R, and my god brother from aussie, um... lets name him C, all the words are taken from their initial back name. P and R are both my friend in CHMS, P did something that's unforgivable, you know what? She said that she WILL wait for C to come back after his study in aussie, and she even swear or promise that. But she separated with him after a few months, okay fine maybe it doesn't make a big deal, cos she might be tired cos hey far distance is not easy; she was strong enough to make it already. But in fact, she went for another guy which was R instead. C hasn't known that, but he could tell that P separated with him, is not because of she need more time on studies, or tired of this far distance relationship. She breaks the promise that she made to C.

Sometimes I wonder what they define friendship this tiny thing? I see the weird examples in this world. Some people could even betray their best friend simply because of earning money or something; some people could just left the friend aside when they got into a relationship and etc etc. There are some girls in our class, they could just get angry because of some tiny problems, like, some small lies... and the one whoes name Jo (not the Jo but the Jo my classmate), just break the friendship and threw away all the things that she had the same with the Leen... Hey come and think about it, everyone lies, I admit I lie for something too, what's the big deal about it? Would friendship just easily break like that? C'mon, that's childish! Can't they think of it? we're already in form two, old enough to think properly aren't we? Jeez...

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